It will be out of the fallow ground that the planting of the Lord will grow. This truth is an ever-present manifestation in my life. I find myself in the depths of bareness all around. There seems to be a lingering awareness of my own bare state too. My heart seems fallible and easily shaken by the smallest of obstacles. The state of my life seems dry and empty. Heck even my nation seems dry and bewildered…like it’s waking from a drunk slumber and barely able to see clearly. More than anything inside my soul I deeply long to lie down, sleep and awake to a better existence. Yet in the midst of it all I am seeing the beautiful resilience of a heart set on saying ‘Yes, I love you Jesus’, emerge. There is a glorious fire arising in my bones as I choose the Lord midst the struggle of walking soberly in the moral compass Jesus has set out before me.
I once heard a phenomenal speaker talk about hitting ‘cruise control’, how we long to hit that cruise mode…because quite frankly it is easier to have satisfaction now. Many days in my life I want to choose other loves and other things to sustain me. Then, I find myself here in this place of emotional disconnect and I wonder how I got here. I see so many Christians doing just enough to find themselves on the right side of the salvation line, yet live disengaged from the beauty of the eternal work ethic and the reward of experiencing Jesus’s character. I have been pondering this scripture for a while in the back of my mind wondering the notion of why the Lord chose this phrase:
Eternal life is this, that they would know you. (John 17:3)
I cannot begin to understand these words. I have been thinking about this concept for a while. These words uttered by Jesus, was simple yet weighted. The ultimate mandate of life is to know the Father and to experience his truths in us. Jesus knew that the cross was the mandate of his life, because he wanted all of humanity to know him. He also knew that by doing this he shared in the Father’s heart towards humanity. As I reach 29 I am becoming more aware of the fact that I have 30-40 maximum years left to give of myself to the knowledge of Christ. That’s a little more than half of the life I have wasted already. I have 20 more of my prime years to give of myself to running hard. Deep in my soul there is also the knowing that I have not given as much as I could have, yet in his mercy he still draws me in. Here I find the whispers of this awakened within me, solely because He is committed to relationship with me.
To know the Father is to know the Son and to fellowship with him. I also know that a life of devotion to Christ is one of hard sacrifice and violence within to keep seeking after him. I often wish it was easier, but easy does not mold character. I want to do friendship with Jesus well, because I want to be able to choose him out of my own…I want to want him the way he wants me. I long to be able to say that I have given of myself that which was costly. More than anything, I desire to know that I have overcome the terrors of this life because I have found hope in Jesus. He is the eternal hope living and burning on the inside of me and I want to go out of this life knowing I have accessed that now and not cruise into oblivion. I want to plough this fallow ground of separation and plant seeds of comfort, joy and hope. I want to find that I am drinking from the rivers of delight that flow for me in the wilderness. Seeking comfort and love in the only source worthy of my time. As I celebrate 29 I am also celebrating his devotion to me as my Bridegroom King. I pray I would know him when I stand before him in the end. I long to hear his voice and recognize Him because I am giving Him this life now.
Matthew 25:10 – But while they were on their way to buy the oil, the bridegroom arrived. The virgins who were ready went in with him to the wedding banquet. And the door was shut.
2 Chronicles 16:9 – For the eyes of the LORD move to and fro throughout the earth that He may strongly support those whose heart is completely His.