Life seems to be this ambiguous journey of circumstances, good and bad, adventurous and boring, happy and sad, lonely and not so lonely. In all of life we are absorbed and marred in a manner through circumstances. We find our ideologies shifting as the seasons of life change. I myself find myself at that very fork in the road. I am a loner, always have been. The kind of kid that hides in the background, rather timid and disengaged. The kid you find absorbed in colouring books, creating a world for themselves other than the one they live in. What a glorious gift to childhood…imagination, creativity. The youngest sibling of two amazing older sisters, it was often hard for me to find myself engaged in time with them because I was so far behind in age. I often just became consumed by my internal dialogue.

Growing up was weird for me, because we had so much happening within our family unit. That I kind of found myself wondering off to the side and just existing…in silence almost. I played the role of the ‘good kid’ so well. I could turn that switch on and light up a room with my talents and my creativity. Everyone knew me…or so they thought.  This month I want to embark on a journey of exploiting that facade of loneliness and embracing the reward writing brings to my introverted soul. More than anything I want to bring hope through the ambiguous journey of my life…unto helping others see that God is not ambiguous.

The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit. (Psalm 34:18 )

Here is to the start of that jouney:

Pretentious wounds

By Deidre Mackenna

Life has dealt you such an ambiguous blow

You find it hard to find clarity

Broken and battered like an abused spouse

Daily your wounds define you


Gazing in the mirror everyday

Disengaged from the person staring back at you

You apply your daily façade

With precision you refine this look

Your smile as crimson as your lipstick

Your eyes darker than the eyeliner you apply

Blusher fails to hide your anemic soul


Pretense is better than owning your pain

Cloaked in this guise

Loneliness stains this cloak

The aching growing and feasting on your soul

Externally you are the belle of the ball

Internally you are the girl never asked to the dance


The music of your life starts to fade

The beautiful melody of your life drowned out

Ambiguity becomes your song

The feign mark upon your heart

The song that leads you down the isle

As you marry your heart to a lonely existence


Life has dealt you such an ambiguous blow

You find it hard to find clarity

Broken and battered like an abused spouse

Daily your wounds define you


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