Allow me to start this week’s entry with the simple statement: ‘There is a hope deep within, a living hope and his name is Jesus’. I would like to be as honest as I can be this week…because I know there are people out there like myself who suffers the pain and devastation I do…and deeply needs hope to cling to Jesus. Life is brutal and the more I gaze upon my surroundings the more I see how brutal life has become. The days of being care-free are long gone. I see people being intoxicated by the lies and filth of this age and it saddens my heart. More so it saddens my heart that we have lost hope. I see mothers with vacant stares, women so bruised by life that they have checked out. I see fathers broken down…to the extent of walking away from life…beaten by the brutality of this age.
The past week or so has been an intimate walk of being so down and out, finding myself weeping in my room. Silent whimpers growing louder as the pain in my heart grows stronger…fighting back deep groans in my soul. Then in those moments of deep pain (the kind no one sees or rather the kind I never allow people to see), I find the comfort of the Holy Spirit. It is in those moments that I am convinced that there is a man and he is waiting and he is really coming back for me. Jesus speaks such truth in those moments and then I get the truth that he knows my inner most being…more so, he sees me and I really matter to him. I am valued by my father and he fights for me when I no longer can.
I find such peace in the fact that my heart is discovering the truth. That God is able to take the words on the pages of the bible and etch it onto my heart by his spirit. I am actually feeling the change in my heart daily. More than anything I am overwhelmed by the mercy he has for me…the mercy that drew my heart back to him and his grace that keeps me steady when my world is crashing. The mercy that brings a girl from the place of being completely lost back into a place of immense favor and love. Most days I desire to run and throw in the towel…then he whispers his love over my fears and I am able to face another day.
My life is literally falling apart most days, but I find that in those broken moments that I have a Bridegroom who is so jealous for me. He will never leave me to my own devices. I have a father who literally is a good father. He cares for me and he holds me in the moments when I am so insecure I could die and then he reminds me that he is safe….that in his arms I am safe. That in his arms it is okay to just cry and let go. Most days I just cry and allow the fears and concerns to surface. It is in those moments that I can feel him and that I know with certainty that he is real. In those moments I know I need to drink deeply from the river of pleasure that flows to sustain me.
My quiet time with the Lord is no longer an option to me, it is a requirement. I need the Lord and he desires me to come and drink, to come and feed on his faithfulness. In those moments of filling up my leaking cup I am filled and the thirst of unanswered fears are quenched.
Set me as a seal upon your heart, as a seal upon your arm;
For love is as strong as death, jealousy as cruel as the grave;
Its flames are flames of fire, a most vehement flame.
Many waters cannot quench love, nor can the floods drown it.
If a man would give for love all the wealth of his house, it would be utterly despised. (Song of Solomon 8: 6-7)
“But when the Helper comes, whom I shall send to you from the Father, the Spirit of truth who proceeds from the Father, He will testify of Me. (John 15:26)
Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who according to His abundant mercy has begotten us again to a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, to an inheritance incorruptible and undefiled and that does not fade away, reserved in heaven for you, who are kept by the power of God through faith for salvation ready to be revealed in the last time. ( 1 Peter 1:3-5)