“O my dove, in the clefts of the rock,
In the secret places of the cliff,
Let me see your face,
Let me hear your voice;
For your voice is sweet,
And your face is lovely.” – Song of Solomon 2:14
This entry and the next few entries will be more focused on things I am learning as single woman (so tempted to say girl but my age fails me *joke*). I have been here at IHOPKC for the passed two months (give or take) and it has been such a journey of discovering the depths of my heart. Realizing where my heart is really at and the deep things that trouble my existence. So as a single lady (all you single ladies put your hands up!…okay lame and I digress) it is inevitable that my heart will raise the ever red flag of love and romance…leading to the marriage saga…yeah it continues.
So within this week I find myself sobbing like a baby again and again…about the desire for a husband and the desire to be married. Alas instead of ignoring this desire my friend and ACL advises me to dialogue about this matter to the Lord. I go back to my heart and start asking simple questions, finding the most intimate questions hidden in my heart. It was so uncomfortable to ask them at first, because a) I am afraid of hearing the answers I don’t want to and b) I really do think they are silly.
I want to encourage every woman out there that speaking about our heart and emotions with the Lord is not silly…it is important to him, that we dialogue with him and ask the deepest most awkward questions only he can answer truthfully without judgment. I have come to see that with Him I find a safe place to rest my head and search my soul.
With that said I still battle to ask and engage on such a deep level…but I take it one question at a time, one answer at a time. I also try to just hang in that place for a while…chewing slowly on the answers and pondering on what was said. I find that in those moments my soul is able to process that things I hear and forge it into my heart. More than anything I have learned this week that my relationship is in fact a relationship…it requires honest dialogue…even in times when my emotions are not on par with speaking….and trust me I have many days… those are times the most dialogue stirs in my heart and I need to verbalize it.
Actually that is all I needed to say for now. He desires to see my face and hear my voice on the matters of my heart…if they are important to me, they are to Him. He is interested in what I have to say and enjoys every bit of my ‘silly’ questions.