1 Peter 1: 6 – 7
In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while, if need be, you have been grieved by various trials, that the genuineness of your faith, being much more precious than gold that perishes, though it is tested by fire, may be found to praise, honor, and glory at the revelation of Jesus Christ.
These words have just been hitting my heart really loudly these passed few days. The thought of being a bride to Jesus, is really difficult for me to wrap my mind around most days. Being betrothed to someone is a big deal especially in a society where marriage is just disregarded as being ‘the next step’ in life. Marriage is such a beautiful commitment in which a man and woman are able to experience the closest thing to the satisfaction of perfect love. I don’t think the gravity of how great the gift marriage is has hit many people’s hearts. Sitting here I am convinced it has not hit my heart fully yet either. The creator God has loved me so much that he has set apart someone for me, just to show me how real, intimate and great his love is.
Which brings me to my next point. Do I fully grasp love? In a world filled with fantasy and roses…portraying a romantic facade of love (I am not saying that this is not right)… all I am saying is that romantic attractions are a drop in the ocean of love. Loving someone is a commitment to being faithful and loyal till the end. Jesus is the perfect example of such love…I always imagine him being so broken and battered, forlorn and despised by man…yet he looks to the Father in heaven and say ‘forgive them’. Urgh that breaks my heart, that any man could love me so much…Jesus is a real man, he feels real pain and humiliation, yet he chooses to love us daily. God the Father looks upon me daily and sees my faults and lack…sometimes even tantrums yet he chooses to love me…faithfully…always having my best interest at heart.
Being in an environment where daily I have to choose to get up and go to the prayer room and classes..left me with this feeling of ‘bleh’…this morning I am just reminded that Jesus loves me…more than I realize. He desires me to love him in the same measure…even in my weak human way. He deserves to be love right. He deserves my emotions and affections. Love is beyond how I ‘feel’ it is beyond my ‘duty’…it is my joy to love him. I should rejoice daily for this gift of life, being able to choose to love him as opposed to being ‘arranged’ in marriage. Daily my heart is broken and exposed…and daily he covers me with his banner of love. Even in my inability to love…he shows me how he loves me…even in moments where I am wanting to dote on him…he dotes on me. How selfless is the love of Jesus.
So in my attempt to love and ‘chase’ after this Jewish man… I have come to face my own heart and yearnings for other things. There are so many days where I just want to walk away and be like… DONE! Then gently he draws me back into his love. I have come to the conclusion that I will never be fully satisfied in love until I stand before Jesus face to face…however I am going to walk one step at a time towards him…knowing that he will sustain my heart in some form. Love is faithful even till death. Love is a virtue I long to have…a character trait I refuse to not have refined.